"And I've rambled on about me..."

 As 2012 drew to a close, I found myself (reflective by nature) more reflective than normal. My life, so different than it was at the end of 2011, stands to change even more in 2013. I couldn’t help but consider the end of 2011: frustration at the lack of job prospects, chafing at continuing to live at home and not being able to stand on my own two feet, the rut of routine.

January 1, 2013 finds me both literally and figuratively in a different place. No longer a resident of the South Jersey I love so much, I hang my hat now in Bullhead City. A trade for the different, if there ever was one. January 1, 2013 finds me teaching 7^th graders, but currently on break, sitting in my parents’ kitchen, the room swimming with the smells of garlic and soy sauce, comfortable as it ever was. January 1, 2013 finds me secure and confident that I know where my (professional, at least) life will take me until the beginning of June. Past that, who knows? I know that school will end in June and that at some point this summer I will be on the Outer Banks with the family and in Rhode Island with the youth group. I know that at some point this summer I will become a squatter in Eric’s home. I know that at some point this summer, I’ll have a plan for the fall. I am hoping for one long before then, being who I am, but have begrudgingly accepted the fact that there is just no way to know where I go from here right now.

2012 saw changes for the good…new job, new friends, new self confidence and awareness, renewed joy in the holidays and the little things that make New Jersey my home. 2013 will begin with changes…Colleen coming west for ? days/weeks/months. The aforementioned challenge of deciding where to be and what to do next (hoping I have a decision to make, and that I can make the right one). I’ve made changes for the better, and here’s to hoping that I can set my sights on bigger and better and continue to sand the rough edges of change already begun. Here’s to hoping that I can be as positive about the advancement and adjustments on December 31, 2013 as I am right now about the way 2012 treated me.

For the second year in a row I begin with questions about where my future will take me, although this year with more confidence that I can take whatever it may be in stride, or at least have the strength to bear myself back on course, or change course. At the dawn of 2012, I felt the weight of inactivity, the strain of a cloudy future. In 2013, my future is no clearer, but the experience of driving 2500 miles, setting up a life, and surviving the first five months tells me I have the strength to pull off whatever it may be. The unending love and support from friends and family, new and old, tells me I have the support system, too.

So here’s to you, 2013. I hope to look back 365 days from now and say that I’m a better man, a better friend, a better teacher, a better student, a better brother, a better son, a better uncle, a better grandson, a better nephew, and a better cousin. I hope to look back at the halfway point and say I’ve done a service for my students, taught them not just the Essential Standards but to think for themselves, taught them not to pass a test but how to learn, taught them that their final score is not the important part, but the knowledge they gain and how they apply it makes all the difference in the world.

From a Friday Night in Bullhead...

My students tell me I should title my autobiography (a primary source) "How is this my life? A Field Guide to Teaching Middle School on Purpose"

They tell me Chapter One should be "What did I do to deserve this?" and Chapter Two should be "What do you want?"

I am totally ok with this. The students who tell me this have scores of 95%+ in my class.

So I come home in two weeks for Christmas.

I got back to Bullhead from thanksgiving two weeks ago, roughly. Thanksgiving was great. I love being able to be home and to make a general nuisance of myself in the kitchen. I even cleaned the bathroom. Yeah, being home was nice.

There are a lot of things that really make this place incredible. Red sunrises through my classroom window, making me wonder about Northeastern Maritime Tradition and Superstition. These absolutely stunning sunrises reflected in fleeting clouds before the sun crests the top of the Arizona mountains. It’s pretty great. Being at work so early has the benefit of allowing some time to reflect on my lesson plans, their effectiveness and the strategies I can employ to make my class more fun, more effective, and more relevant to my students. Sunsets, mostly orange and pink, that silhouette the Nevada mountains and highlight them like a slash across one of my students’ papers. Good friends. Great coworkers.

In a lot of ways, I am truly blessed here.

But it’s difficult, too. Being away is still a daily struggle for me. Knowing some of the people I care most about are struggling with things while I’m 2500 miles away is difficult. Not that I think I can solve these problems, but it would be nice to be able to share them, toss back a beer or two and talk and just be around.

Feel more effective.

Feel more relevant to the lives of the people I care most about.

Eric was able to swing by my little apartment in mid-November…that was nice. It’s always good to see him, good to catch up, good to let him know I plan to play squatter in his home for some of the short summer. Looking forward to tossing back a few at Christmas time, by the way.

Colleen will be coming out here with me when I return home after the holiday. I feel both excited and very nervous. I want to see her happy…and though this is a TBD (the party goes till ??) amount of time, I am pulling for her to find the employment she so deeply desires. Weird position to be in…to want to spend more time with her, but also be pulling for her to land a job in Nowhere, Arkansas (or any other reasonably named backwoods place in the middle of nowhere).

Such is my life, and I kind of love it that way.

Incidentally, I recently bought a fake Christmas Tree. While I am not proud of this, I didn’t want to throw away a real tree before Christmas (as I’ll be coming home) and didn’t want to come home to five million needles on the floor…(cue jokes about Needles, California, which is not far from me).  I had sent my mom and my sister a picture of my sad little undecorated tree, and independently of one another they sent me ornaments.

Blew me away, a little bit. I love stories, and I have more than a few ornaments, now, that will always have a story attached to them, and a little bit of love.

Appreciated. Much, much appreciated.

We roasted pumpkins. Because it's fall.

It was good to be home.

Just arrived back in Arizona after a two week return to New Jersey. 

Some highlights (in no particular order):

1. My family and friends

2. The day I subbed. Haha.

3. Bagels

4. Porkroll

5. Pizza

6. Charcoal grill

7. Yeungling

8. I do, in fact, like stout

9. Picking up hours at the store

10. Moe’s Burritos at Mccarren Airport

11. Watching the Gangnam Style video with Colleen

12. Sitting with Colleen while she graded

13. Brewing pumpkin beer

14. Colleen’s pumpkin lasagna

15. Football with Jayden

16. Golf with Dad, Smithbauer and Morgen

17. Falling asleep in Colleen’s office…under her desk

18. Sitting in on her classes. I learned things!

19. Trees with fall foliage

20. Football at Abby’s

21. Delicious Orchards with Colleen and Jay

22. Delicious Orchards Apple Cider. Wow

23. Driving the Jeep.

24. Finding marathons of bad television shows with Colleen

25. Harold’s

26. A cheesesteak in the airport

27.   Jayden's picture of a fall tree

28.   Pumpkin Ice Cream

Friday was rough. Headed out to the airport early to hang with Katy for a bit, and about 1/3 of the way there realized I’d left my keys at home. So there was an added hour.  Colleen dropped me with Katy and headed off, and Katy and I hung out with her roommates for a bit before heading to the airport. My flight had already been delayed an hour. It took almost an hour to get to the airport because of traffic, but I was able to sit in Chickie & Pete’s for a bit and have a cheesesteak and a Yeungling. Or two. Then we boarded, and sat on the tarmac for an hour, then decided we didn’t have enough fuel, and sat for another hour. I got to my car a little after 2 am yesterday morning, slept a few hours, and got back into life as I know it. It was  a long, long day. I hate flying. I’m basically anxious the entire time, and I really don’t like not having control of the situation. And sitting. And sitting and sitting and sitting hoping to take off. 

4 weeks until I’m home again.

"It ain't rare to hear the streetlights"

“Call themselves stars”

That about covers Vegas. Wow. But we’ll get there.

Left Flagstaff in the morning and headed to Hoover Dam…and found a Dunkin Donuts in Kingman! I was thrilled.

“Mmm, perfectly circular eggs…”

Thanks, Colleen.

But it wasn’t terrible, although the NJ bagels are better, even at Dunkin. Sigh.

On to the Hoover Dam. I’m not a big man-made structures guy…I prefer woods and mountains and things like that over eleventy billion tons of concrete, but it was alright. Wasn’t crazy about the charging for everything part of the Dam experience, but it was ok. Lake Mead is cool.

From the Dam, we headed on to Las Vegas, hitting a Del Taco on the way. It’s like Taco Bell but less gross…not that that’s a challenge. We made it to our hotel, Circus Circus, around two in the afternoon and checked in. It was a far cry from America’s Best Value Inn in Flagstaff…which was a dive. This place was really, really nice. We took a cab down the Strip and wandered around the Flamingo, the Mirage, the Bellagio. It was total sensory overload. Noise, lights, smells…we hit a Mexican place inside the Flamingo, and the food was good. The waitress was pushy (of course) and tried to give me food I didn’t order and then charge me for it, but that didn’t end well for her. After dinner we wandered around and eventually found a brew pub, where I tried my second stout in as many days…and enjoyed my second stout in as many days. I’m becoming concerned about my tastes. After that, we watched a couple of the fountain shows at the Bellagio and then headed back to Circus Circus, totally exhausted.

I cannot accurately describe Las Vegas, like I cannot take pictures of the Grand Canyon that will do it justice. Suffice to say that for a guy whose ideal night is a pine forest and a campfire, the constant sensory bombardment of Las Vegas is overwhelming.

I took Colleen to the airport at 5 this morning and made it to work by seven. 5 weeks until I’m home.

"Charismatic Geo-what?"

So there’s this hole in the ground…

Colleen and I went to the Grand Canyon today. We left Bullhead about 2 AM and headed north east to the Grand Canyon, which put us there about 5:15. Driving through the park, in the dark, on a road with no street lights was wild. I turned off my headlights (briefly) and was astounded at how dark it got, as the sky was covered with a layer of clouds I’ll reference in a few. But as we were discussing the dark, and the difference between the Canyon (at 7000ish feet) and Bullhead (at 500), I realized what the real difference was.

“Colleen…TREES!”

We were both shocked. It’s funny how fast you get used to scrub brush and rocks and not trees and shrubs. We kept on the lookout for elk, but were disappointed as we were much too early to really see anything beyond my headlights. We parked at the main lot, just off of Mather Point, which Colleen mentioned to me is a great first view of the Canyon.

Boy…was she right. Even before the sun came up, Mather Point and the Rim Trail on the South Rim were breathtaking. We positioned ourselves with about fifty to seventy other people to watch the sun come up through the clouds and illuminate the Canyon, and then all of us snapped away wildly for a few moments before the sun disappeared behind the clouds again. I’ve seen some great sunrises…LBI at the lighthouse, the various prairie sunrises on my way across the nation, Talbot Island State Park in Florida, the Atlantic Ocean from Smithbauer’s boat…but this one was hard to beat. After the sun came up, we headed back to the car, had some breakfast and prepared to hike down the Rim Trail for a bit.

**Before the sun came up, after we had been at the Canyon edge for roughly five minutes, Colleen uttered my favorite line of the day. My eyes were glued to the giant hole in the ground, trying to take it in and understand the scale…and I catch Colleen out of the corner of my eye staring the opposite direction at a scrubby little juniper. “I love this tree,” she exclaims. I find her difficult not to like**

Our hike along the Rim Trail was certainly two things…breathtaking and wet. It rained. A cold, cold rain that was often sideways, so I hid my camera under my Rowan cap and soldiered on through it. We stopped to identify a few trees along the way, and check out some little tuft eared squirrels that were running about, and made it Pipe Creek Vista just in time to realize that the Canyon was full of fog and the rain wasn’t going to stop. Thankfully, a shuttle (free inside the park) pulled up just after we snapped a picture and we were able to ride back the mile rather than hike. This led us to a little café shoppe, some coffee and tea, and a veggie breakfast burrito that really wasn’t bad at all.

After breakfast and a foray into the visitor’s center and bookstore (where I bought a new map for my wall…) we headed the opposite direction down the Rim Trail. More stunning vistas followed, and we made friends with a few people from around the world who were amused by the fact that I was taking several photos of Colleen’s boots on the edge of the Canyon (including tying them together and hanging them from a scrubby little pine that was clinging to life) for her. Our ultimate goal was the trailhead of the Bright Angel Trail…because that’s the place to go to look for the California Condor, a critically endangered scavenger in the vulture family. And while we did not get to see one up close, we did see one soaring over the Canyon…and had to debate for a few moments whether it was a Condor halfway across or an airplane all the way across. Then it flapped and came close enough for us to be sure. Very, very cool.

We hiked the Bright Angel Trail just a little…by that point we’d hiked almost five miles and were more or less exhausted. So we headed up to the shuttle stop and prepared to head back to the visitor’s center and drive on to Flagstaff. Except, along the way, the driver spotted a bull elk.

I will repeat that. The driver spotted A BULL ELK.

We hopped off the shuttle and rushed over to see him. Un. Real. Huge. So huge. Huge rack. He fed along one side of the road, decided he was done, wandered across the road, fed there, and then knocked some branches down with his antlers. As he fed he worked his way away from the road, and we wandered off to leave him in peace as well.

After that it was on to Flagstaff, a great brew pub, and a questionable motel room. Tomorrow, we strike out for Hoover Dam and Las Vegas, and I prepare myself to drop Colleen at the airport Tuesday morning and make it down to MVJH in time for work.

Arizona gets a little more (forced) sunshine

So Colleen has been here for over a week. I take her to the airport Tuesday...and I’m really not looking forward to it. But that’s another matter, and another post.

Tonight I’d like to focus on the drive up to Las Vegas to pick her up. I watched her flight information rather closely, and shot up to the airport to be there just before she arrived…which turned out to be a half hour early. This fact did not make me sad.

So at 10:15 on August 24, I was sitting at baggage carousel fifteen at McCarren airport in Las Vegas when she disembarked. It was very, very nice to see her face…and it has been very, very nice to have her here.

The drive itself was ridiculous. Just over an hour and a half from Bullhead, the drive starts with a quick up and down through some mountains (which were a little surreal at night) and then a long, fairly straight drive up to the airport through open empty desert. The spread of stars was absolutely incredible, and I almost stopped more than once just to look at them. But I pushed on.

The first thing that struck me about the drive was the little town about halfway to Las Vegas. It appears suddenly, out of nowhere, slows the speed limit, charges too much for gas, offers casinos, and then disappears again as rapidly as it appeared.

Then the glow that is Las Vegas appears on the horizon…hidden behind mountains, there is still no doubt what you’re seeing. The desert is so dark, and so totally bleak at night, that the glow on the horizon (which couldn’t even be distinguished in New Jersey, I’m certain) draws you in.

It does not, however, prepare you for the first vista of the city itself. You pass a casino, then back into desert, then come around a hill and BAM…the city of Las Vegas and the lights are laid out before and below you. It’s like looking at the sky upside down. I actually exclaimed something to the effect of “Woahhhawwooowwww,” and then looked around the empty car to make sure nobody had heard me. It was wild. A sight that I’ll never forget.

And certainly a good reason to be going up there, as well. 

Let's write the rules five times each...

Well. I’m about two weeks into teaching, and it’s been a bit of a culture shock. After working with middle school students for several years, I thought I knew what to expect…

The differences in expectations between the East Coast and here are kind of amazing. I came from a building that expected me to give homework, and a lot of it, every night. Here, thirty minutes of reading is all that’s expected…and I find myself doing loads of extra prepping with all the free time this has given me. I still arrive about an hour before I’m supposed to, but instead of grading homework and writing assignments, I’m prepping PowerPoints and getting ready to facilitate group work on a scale that’s a little new to me.

The kids, too, are reeling a little bit from my style and my expectations of how hard they’ll work. They’re in a new school, and adjusting to things like lockers and switching classes is an exciting thing, sure. But they are still learning that the elementary school nonsense isn’t going to fly in middle school…especially with someone who cut his teeth as a substitute teacher on the East Coast. They’re working harder daily than I think they expected, and I can already tell the students who are applying themselves, embracing the material, and extending their knowledge…and the ones who are fighting it and thinking that teachers are like the T-Rex…if they sit still I can’t see them.

They have another thing coming. Case-in-point: They had to practice walking down the hallway four times today because they couldn’t a)stop touching lockers b) walk in a straight line c) stop touching lockers.

“I guess the fourth time’s the charm, isn’t it,” I asked them.

Nobody answered. Good thing. : )

So we are all learning about each other, and what to expect from each other, and testing each other to see just how well (or poorly) this year could go.

I’m confident it’ll be great.